You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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