remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
