Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize