oh god the rape fog is back!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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