It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
