You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
