yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
