I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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