we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
