She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
