tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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