dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
