why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
