I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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