I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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