I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
In other news, I just burned my penis
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
