I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
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