is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
