I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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