You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
