I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
