i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
