That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
