Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
