Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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