You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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