he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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