I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
