Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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