I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
