his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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