Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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