I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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