Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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