I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
