Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
