I bet he comes in French.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
