What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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