meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think people are normalizing furries
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
