Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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