cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
