my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
