2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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