Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
