Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Your penis caused this!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize