I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize