as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
