i already hear my dad disowning me
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
