did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize