My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
