the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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