I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
