I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
