maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
