Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
