This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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