I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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