I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i would punch a child for taco bell
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
