You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
