so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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