So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
