No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
