Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You need a sexual gate keeper
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have aggressive nipples.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
