Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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