Too much gin, very little bucket
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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