do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
