Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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