she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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