There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
