He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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