I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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