Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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