can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
