I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
