I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
